Masculinity as a performance: A conversation with folks

Within this essay, well more of an autoethnographic slash ethnographic think piece. I interview four individuals. The first being a conversation with the lads, then a conversation with “XXX”, this participant wanted their name to be redacted from the interview. Thirdly, a conversation with Abdul-Malik and lastly, a conversation with Dad. Each interlocutor having their separate and shared experience with this idea called gender. I asked each participant what their view was on masculinity and whether they’d consider it to be a performance, a ‘social skin’ (T.S. Turner 2012) of some sort. Each participant having their own lived experiences with gender and yes, such a topic is intersectional (K. Crenshaw 1989) so they bring along a multitude of layers with them.

I will try and keep my academic jargon (L. Back 2016) to a minimum as an answer or understanding of such a question can be found within the lived experiences of the interlocutors. This essay writing style is influenced by thinkers such as Gail Lewis (2009) with her piece ‘Birthing Racial Difference: Conversations with my mother and others’. A piece where the conversations Gail Lewis has contained the answer with her sitters rather than the ‘thick description’ (C. Geertz 1973: 1) of academic text. Many other texts influence this piece such as Alice Walker (1983), ‘In Search of our Mother’s Gardens’ and Audre Lorde (2014) ‘Poetry Is Not a Luxury’. After all the thick description that comes with academic writing (a popular education-based mode of knowledge production) is associated with heteropatriarchal norms, capitalist, modernist, white-supremacist, and imperialism (E. Meyerhoff 2019: 4). The writing style I’ve opted with will help understand my argument of gender being performative and framing the category of masculinity as being a learned behaviour we enact.

A conversation with the lads.

Martell: It can be toxic my bro…I find myself moving in and out of masculinity. Sometimes it’s a survival instinct. I don’t know if you can bring race into it. I lie…yes you can. My Black skin sometimes places me in situations where I have to be masculine, or I might just end up losing my life out here in the streets. *Proceeded to laugh out loud* Like bro! Masculinity is a performance forreal. It be making you do some shit that you really wouldn’t do when you’re alone.

Jaffar: You can almost say that masculinity is dependent on the observer innit. Without the other there is no masculinity. Or maybe I should say that without a person to demonstrate a boundary of there understanding of masculinity. Does that make sense?

Martell: Yeah I get what yo –

*Regan Interrupts*

Regan: It will be the same people who perform that toxic form of masculinity that probably where attacked for operating outside that box of Alpha Masc you get me? I don’t think we were born into these categories bro. We were made and shaped into them. You know what, some people were bullied into these categories.

Martell: I can relate.

Jaffar: Let me ask you this, and let me know if I’m wrong. But the more I grow older, the more complicated things get. Is there even a good form of masculinity?

Regan: It’s tough, I find myself struggling to remove the idea of masculinity out of my head because others remind me that it exist. And when I say others, I mean that masculinity exists because femineity exists, it works both ways. Am I making sense?

Martell: I was just thinking that as well. Like if there is toxic masculinity there is also toxic femininity.

Jaffar: I see what you’re saying. There’s a duality innit. One exist with the other –

Martell: Nah one exist because of the other nah? Or like, they both reinforce eachother. Masculinity and femininity are concepts that feed each other. You cant get rid of the other if the other is still existing.

Regan: You’re on your abolition wave now. You tryna say we destroy both concepts! *laughs out loud* I fuck with this idea, I down for this revolution. Imagine a world where there’s no idea of masculinity of femininity.

Jaffar: I guess it really is in your head right? Just deny the existence and boom…the concept is gone. But life ain’t like that man.

Martell: Yeah, life is not like that at all man. But you see what you said about whether there is such thing as good masculinity. I feel like there can depending on the circumstance. If being masculine helps you climb the economic ladder is that good? Or if it helps you get out of an altercation is that good? What you guys think? Coz right now, to me, if I have to be more masculine to get out of a fight then that’s good. But I guess I can see why its considered bad.

Regan: But you’re looking at it from a survival point of view –

Martell: is life not about surviving though?!

Jaffar: I hear you but in its standard form, can masculinity be good? Like right now, am I being masculine and is it having a negative impact right now?

Regan: To us no but I can see to someone else being negative…

Martell: what is he doing right now that someone can perceive as negative bro?!

Regan: I don’t know, the way he’s speaking, the way he’s sitting man. Why you leaning forward when you speak man!

Jaffar: Damn! I didn’t even consider those factors. Am I being masculine right now?!

Regan: Well, you changed the way your sitting. It’s less masculine. Fix up! *Says sarcastically*

Martell: That’s toxic right there bro! *stands up and points at Regan while he laughs*, you’re being toxic right now by enforcing some gender law man!

Jaffar: This whole conversation better not turn toxic now! *adding to the humour*

Martell: Next thing you know my mans gonna say you better not wear that cardigan round me *says in a jokey manner*.

Regan: There we go, I guess I just demonstrated good and bad masculinity! I show, don’t tell! *a smug look on his face*

Martell: We still don’t know what good masculinity is man.

Jaffar: We clearly don’t have the answers, but can I say its safe to say that we might know what toxic masculinity looks like?

Regan: I guess so…

Martell: I’m hungry man, let’s get something to eat please.

A conversation with ‘XXX’

XXX: My femininity is an aspect of me. But it doesn’t define me. Yes it is more performative depending on the environment, who I am with and what I am doing. But I feel that the same can be applied to you no?

Jaffar: I’d say so, Yeah. Depending on the day, different aspects of my masculinity and femineity can express themselves more than the other. It is weird that you say that it is also dependent on others aswell. Would you say that if another person performs of one or the other is greater than yours that it influences whether you perform more or less femininity? Do I make sense?

XXX: Yes and no. Imagine with me here. If I am on a date, my femineity comes out more. May it be to the long patriarchal history of courting a woman that has shaped my performativity, hmm maybe. But the femineity I perform is also influenced by how good of an act my counterpart is playing as well. I’ve been on dates where my femineity has been outshined by my date rendering me the more masculine one.

I was not trying to be masculine, but the other made me so. But I’m pretty sure this means nothing to the person who already has set ideas of what these categories are and mean. But in this situation, you get what I am trying to put forward right? *they get comfy on the chair, as they drag their cigarette*

Jaffar: I think I understand you. I literally had a conversation with a couple of friends on how your environment somewhat dictates…maybe dictates is a harsh word. What I mean is how your environment and the elements within your environment will influence aspects of your performativity.

XXX: And what conclusions did you come to?

Jaffar: Not gonna lie, we all were in agreeance that our environment does influence our performativity. One of my friends uses gendered behaviours for survival, whilst the other seeks to rid himself of gendered norms.

XXX: I don’t know if you can get rid of gendered norms. You can attempt to rid your own thoughts of it, but you’ll always succumb to someone else’s understanding of gendered norms. Do I make sense?

Jaffar: I’d agree. But I believe that was his point…I think.

XXX: The man and woman. They are one soul. Different we may look maybe, but one entity. A beast with two back, think Shakespeare said that. We are from one tree. Yet many seem to try divide us. I don’t get the whole thing. Maybe perspective is needed. Who fucking knows. Funny how gender is such a topic that brings fire and wind with it. What do you think?

Jaffar: Well, I think many factors play a role in why gender topics bring fire and wind. Many negative factors. Hence why there can be masculinity but also toxic masculinity. How there can be feminism and toxic feminism. Or race and racism. The list can go on.

XXX: These conversations make me angry at times. Let go for a walk or something. Sitting here makes me fester in my own thoughts.

Jaffar: Understandable.

A conversation with Adul Malik

Abdul Malik: I feel like issues of gender were always prominent growing up bro. I feel like we can’t give a universal definition, even though we’re swayed to think there is. Personally I think culture plays a huge part in why so many of us have so many ways of interpreting what masculinity is and its…I don’t know its term and conditions.

Jaffar: Culture…

Abdul Malik: *giggles* Why you making that face? Do you disagree?

Jaffar: Nahh not even bro. It’s just, I do agree. But a part of me is also thinking culture is so complex to get into. Like what is your definition of culture? I think if I understand what you mean by culture then I’ll get what you’re tryna say.

Abdul Malik: I’m talking about that Kendrick Lamar definition of culture you get me! *He says with vigour* The legacy left by others. Whether that means the religion they left, a codex that certain groups of people follow. The sensation of family transcending blood. To simplify it, for me, culture is an ethereal magnet that pulls you to a collective of people.

Jaffar: Ok, so it’s a collective of “kin folk”.

Abdul Malik: Yeah, and that kinfolk built my idea of masculinity. But I do also know that the media around me and others around me outside my culture also influence my idea of masculinity.

Jaffar: What is your idea of masculinity then?

Abdul Malik: It’s a behavioural trait innit. A behaviour from being male.

Jaffar: But do you have to be male to be masculine?

Abdul Malik: Nahhh, that’s why I say it’s a behavioural trait because there are people that are not male but are masculine, you get me. Fam I have a single mother, and she’s become more masculine because of her being a single mother.

Jaffar: I hear you, my mother was a single mother and in that period she I would have considered her to have more masculine traits…I wonder why we think that though.

Abdul Malik: It’s not a bad thing to have masculine traits. I don’t think it’s a sin in any way. But I find it funny how some find it distasteful. It’s my own mother that makes sure to reinforce that I maintain a masculine energy and to not come across feminine even though she can come across masculine. But I guess she is visually feminine so she can get away with it…maybe?

Jaffar: That’s interesting point though. How you are immediately perceived! I’d say we both come across as male so I guess other would assume we behaviours are masculine. But what about those who are a lot more androgenous passing?

Abdul Malik: Brother I don’t have answers *laughs out loud* I can’t speak for others my guy! You’re gonna have to interview more people man. Use your anthropology powers to find out *giggles at his own remark*

A conversation with Dad

Dad: Why is this important?

Jaffar: Well, it’s more for the grade but also I feel like getting your opinion would be nice. I feel like you’ve always told me to be like a man, and I thought that statements like that had a story. So what is the story of you always telling me to be a man?

Dad: It’s simple, to be a man is to be strong through tough times.

Jaffar: I see, is to be a man to be masculine?

Dad: I don’t understand, what are you saying? What do you mean by masculine?

Jaffar: Well, masculine I guess can be defined as the behaviour traits associated with being a male. But it is overall to me just a set of ideas under the banner masculine. So, the way you are sitting is masculine, the way you are holding the plate and the spoon with a closed fist while you eat is masculine to me. Do you get me?

Dad: I think so. But what is the point?

Jaffar: Well, the question that I wanna ask you is do you perform masculinity?

Dad: I don’t perform it, it’s a part of me.

Jaffar: A part of you in what sense? Like it’s down to the genes and blood or it has become a part of you because of your upbring?

Dad: I think a bit of both, you know. I didn’t have parents to really teach me, but I had sisters to tell me what is needed in a man and how a man should behave. You know that your grand parents on my side of the family died very early in my life. So, I had to rely on myself and my sisters. Once I got old enough to travel the world I started seeing how other culture navigated that question of yours. And I started to then take all that knowledge and place it within you.

Jaffar: I see. You say a bit of both. What is the other side? What is the other 50%?

Dad: I don’t really know to be honest. I’d say the people around you. You are an open book so whatever you see that you may like you copy and repeat.

Jaffar: I see.

Dad: Does that answer your question? I’m trying to eat here.

Jaffar: Hmmm, I guess it does.

Each interlocutor I’ve had a conversation with somewhat reinforces the argument of gender being a sort of performance that is dependent somewhat on our observer and environment. It seems that gender involves ‘a complex of socially guided perceptual, interactional, and micropolitical activities’ (C. West & D. H. Zimmerman 1987: 126) which then brings out its expression of either masculine or feminine ‘natures’ (C. West & D. H. Zimmerman 1987: 126). These social arrangements placed and set up in our environment vary like the stories told by the Lads, or XXX.

It seems that one is not born with a gender but becomes a gender due to an environments micropolitics and interaction. A distance echo to Simone de Beauvoir statement, ‘one is not born, but rather becomes, a woman’ (S. Beauvoir 1973: 301). An idea that Judith Butler (1988) reinforces and reappropriates, Butler emphasis how gender is not a ‘stable identity or locus of agency from which various acts proceed’ (J. Butler 1988: 519) instead an identity fickle in its formation, constituted in a space and time and history, in other words, constituted through a ‘stylized repetition of acts’ (J. Butler 1988: 519). Each interlocutor has demonstrated how their expression of masculinity or femineity is influenced by a list of factors, whether that be their observer, lived experience. This performative space is an amalgam of a network of moving activities.

Bibliography:

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·      A. Walker (1983) In Search of Our Mother's Gardens, New York: Harcourt.
·      C. Geertz (1973) In The Interpretation of Cultures, New York: Basic Books.
·      C. West & D. H. Zimmerman (1987), 'Doing Gender', Gender and Society, 1.2, Pg125-151
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·      G. Lewis, 2009. ‘Birthing Racial Difference: conversations with my mother and others.’, Studies in Maternal, 1(1), pp. 1-21
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